I’m not sure why I stopped my channel search at Family Feud. Coincidence? Fate? I’m not sure. I’m also not sure when I last watched the show. I think it was somewhere between the creepy guy who mouth-kissed all the contestants years and the Al Borland days.

But there he was– Steve Harvey–sporting his oversized suit and propensity for sexual innuendoes. Right in my living room.

Name something a magician goes to sleep cuddling. My eyes bulged and my head exploded.

At first, I was blind-sighted by the fact that he was talking to me: a fellow magician! For those of you Jets that don’t know, I teach magic. “How does one get into teaching magic” you ask? Well, for starters you need to work at a small enough school where they think it’s totally acceptable to teach magic. I don’t think you can pull off a magic class in a big school where at least one angry parent is going to fear his daughter or son will turn to witchcraft, or worse–grow up going to Harry Potter conventions. Word got out to my superiors that I know three card tricks and ABRAKAZAM, I’m the new magic teacher for an elective class. The class is booming and there’s a waiting list for next quarter. That’s how good I am. Because magic.

Anyways. I thought about what I cuddled with at night (a knee-pillow for my boney knees) and it dawned on me that this was a ridiculous question. The Linnear family didn’t think so.

“A Bunny!” with complete seriousness.

And with that, they won the board, getting the opportunity to come up with 4 other ridiculous answers.

I’m not sure if it’s racist or not, but the black families on the Feud are always incredibly excited. Good answer, bad answer, the excitement is always overwhelming. They [and this goes for white and black] always support the worst answer by the uncle who just had to come on the show. “GOOD ANSWER” they say as they clap ferociously. Do they believe this?! On a side note, where are the asian families?

What was so maddening about the question was that the answers all made sense in a magician’s sense. You had “hot assistant,” “bunny,” and “his wand” as all top answers. The white family tried to steal and then failed only to find out that the missing answer was…wait for it… A TEDDY BEAR.

WHAT? We went from magic-related answers to a generic teddy bear? THIS MAKES NO SENSE AND IS UNFAIR. I don’t think 100 people were polled on that one. Steve Harvey, you misled them all.

I suddenly got nostalgic for all the awful answers I heard growing up. One that has always stuck in my mind was to the question: Name an animal with 3 letters in its name.  The answer given [see picture above] was FROG. I’ve always loved that one. But then I came across this Youtube GEM. I dare you to watch this and not laugh at least 5 times. Enjoy!