Pardon my emotions, but I just finished watching the last of Parenthood and tears plus a keyboard equal possible electrocution. I’ll say this: there hasn’t been a show with as much heart since The Wonder Years. Doesn’t mean it’s the best show but it does mean exactly what I said.

So it’s a new year, Jets. 2016.

I really don’t care for New Years Eve like most people over 25. It’s more of a status holiday than Valentine’s Day and that’s saying something. It doesn’t really have much to do with me not drinking because for someone who HATES the idea of a cover charge or waiting in line, there really is no worse day now or pre-2010. But I’m not necessarily anti-New Years Resolutions. I don’t typically make them myself, and I do get annoyed with the new crowds at my beloved Planet Fitness, but I do like a nice feel-good story. Like when someone drops 150 pounds or something. Always gives me the feelies. These feel-good vibes usually dissipate when some girl says she’s swearing off men forever. Nobody believes you.

The holidays were good for this hot tub enthusiast. I broke a real dry-spell and soaked on many occasions. Between the 2-day getaway I took and the guest fee I paid at my friend’s gym, each soak cost about $50 which isn’t exactly sustainable. But you know, it was the holidays, and you gotta treat yourself. I even hit the steam room several times and let me tell you, if you soak and steam back-to-back you’re really pushing the envelope. I’ve never been one for warning signs (see Rehab stint) so I did engage in the two high-heat activities several times. I didn’t black out which tells me my stamina is good for now. B+ stamina right now. I can always improve and have that to look forward to in 2016.

I was feeling pretty solid about my silent resolution (not telling anyone) of watching less TV and reading more when I came across a post from a certain Mark Zuckeberg on Facebook and his resolution:


Yup. Just casually going to build an Artificial Intelligence to help out around the house. In one Facebook post he reveals why he’s Zuckerberg and I’m a magic teacher. The absolute definition of a humblebrag right there. I find some solace in the fact that I don’t think he can pull an ace of spades out of a lemon like I can but then again he probably owns the internet and can just look it up.

I’m going to double-spite him by creating a Facebook page on his Facebook site for The Tub so it’s easier for you to locate these life-changing posts. Please ‘like’ every single one and tell me so because ‘likes’ equal respect and that’s all we want, right?  I also vow to donate a dollar for each ‘like’ to myself so I can buy a hot tub for myself and stop paying 12$ a visit to pretend to work out when I really just want to show up in my neon-green bathing suit.

I’ll wrap this up by telling you that when I came home from the gym tonight, I walked inside, and suddenly there was this horrific spark/electrical issue with my headphones. It happened in my left ear only (what the hell are the chances of this?) and it hurt like a bastard. It was a static-shock in my eardrum but guess what earbuds? Already deaf! And while it provided a fleeting sense of trauma, I’m over it.

Part of me DID hope that there would be some sort of Rookie of the Year fallout.


You know, when the kid BREAKS his arm but suddenly can throw 100 mph.  ‘Reverse-injury’ I think the Disney scientists call it. So when I got that volt of electricity in my left ear I thought maybe this is it. Maybe this is my  Henry moment. But of course, it was not. Just made it more deaf, I guess. I’ve heard ‘deader than a doornail.’ Maybe there’s a deafer than a doldrum? It’s alliterative. Whatever.

If you’re lost for a resolution and would like to have one, I’m suggesting this gem from a man who would have been the greatest magic teacher of all time. He wasn’t, but he was a teacher. Mr. Feeny.