- Kanye has great ideas like his proposed Communications Company, DONDA. He posted the plan for it on Twitter via a DIAGRAM OF BOXES. God-damn piece of art. I was upset when I found out it’s named after his mom. Before that, it sounded like the Dharma Initiative from Lost and super mysterious.
- Fun fact: DONDA is more confusing than the smoke monster.
- Favorite part of DONDA is the Transportation section. Sub-section, pedal bikes. WE GUNNA HAVE PEDAL BIKES!
- More on Kanye. He posted a picture (above) that showed a tab of Pirate Bay–a downloading software. Funny/hypocritical on multiple levels and not sure where to begin. Perhaps bad karma for selling $120 white t-shirts? P.S. What makes a hip hop t-shirt different than my white t-shirt?
- Sorry, more on Kanye. Mind is so overwhelmed with DONDA. Concept of DONDA amazes me. Like some 13 year old someone gets stoned and comes up with an elaborate plan to rob a bank. Then realizes he is 13 and doesn’t have a car for the getaway.
- How is a chart… a business plan? If this is a real thing, I have so many Venn
diagramsbusiness plans for how to write a good essay.
- Kanye is not a musical genius. Hear me out. He could be a marketing genius. Could be a production genius. Could be a visionary (whatever the hell that is). But I’ve seen him live in concert, Jets. I will say this. If you can’t perform musically in front of a live crowd, you’re not a musical genius. You’re at best, something else. Just because you own the best restaurant in the city, doesn’t make you the best chef.
- I was watching The Voice with my mom and she audibly sighs when someone picks Pharrell as their coach. 80% sure it’s racially motivated.
- Told my mom that the Steve Jobs movie was a bad bucket of dicks and that he’s portrayed as a real asshole father. I said that he didn’t pay for his daughter’s college tuition. When I wondered who he left his fortune to she said “PROBABLY SOME ANIMALS” meaning an actual animal or animal advocacy group. Inadvertently the funniest thing I’ve heard in 2016.
- Someone sent my mom a link to this blog last week. 20% chance she was able to get back here.
- I have a weird talent for three strange things. Don’t put me on the spot in the comment section, though.
1. ) Predicting the total dollar amount for my carriage of groceries. +/- 5 dollars.
2.) Knowing what foreign language you took in HS by looking at you.
3.) (GUYS ONLY) Knowing if you call your mother “ma,” “mom,” or “mum.”
- As far as I can tell, these skills are good for absolutely nothing but God had His plan for me. I’m not even sure the Grocery-Guess-Skill would be useful on the world’s best food show from 1993: Supermarket Sweep. I loved that show. The newer version(s) will never capture the original’s unintentional brilliance. ALWAYS go for the turkeys and baby diapers. If you learn fucking anything from this blog, it’s that. Turkeys and diapers. All day.
- Already can tell it’s going to be a down year/season on The Voice. Christina Aquilllllleerrrra is a bad person. Never met her. Don’t like her.
- Only hope is the redhead kid. He and Ed Sheeran fighting to save the redhead race. Michael and I have similar voices. I’m a little better looking I hope. And this is after they put makeup on him. I’d be better looking with a professional pit crew working on my face. We all would be.
- You know what conspiracy I’m dreaming up? This kid’s name is Mike Schiavo. That’s SCHIAVO as in the last name of the woman from that famous case where the woman was kept alive despite brain damage. And what was her husband’s name? MICHAEL. Crazy if we found out via Blake Shelton that this is the son of Terri Schiavo. Anyways, I hope I don’t look like him.
- No exaggeration, I lasted 2 minutes and 22 seconds with Fuller House.
- My Facebook feed told me that Legends of the Hidden Temple was coming back. I got real excited only to find out it’s going to be a movie. Bullshit. That’s worst than the Goosebumps TV show. “Say Cheese and Die” cannot be explained in television.