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To preface this mental breakdown, let me just acknowledge that maybe I’m just livid they kicked off the redhead on The Voice. He was easily a top 5 talent and he gets booted during that ridiculous knockout round where they sing half of a song they don’t even know. It’s probably up there with the cooking shows when they make a BAKER cook a steak. AHHHHHHHHH. I swear to God he got voted off because other than his red hair, his life was too normal. If he was deaf IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM he’d probably be in the top 5.

But for the love of everything holy, let’s get to the Facebook behavior that has lately– been off the charts inappropriate.

If you’re posting song lyrics as a status update and you’re over 15 years old, you better be cutting yourself. That stuff is sadder than when I’d spill red wine all over my comforter and then forget how it got there. Is someone bleeding? Scott?

We get it. You’re sad. My 1998 away messages were less attention-seeking than those lyrics. Talk to a friend. Get some help. But I’m telling you–that was the last time I’ll see that from you because you’ve been unfollowed and I can’t believe you’re over 18 and listening to screaming music.

To You Know Who,

If you’re posting about your relationship, how happy/sad you are, and every other single thing going on your life—you have the right to be judged. You are responsible for the content that you are posting. You are shaping the story and narrative on your feed, your wall, etc. You have the friends that you do that post the things that they do to your wall. You are in control of ALL of that. So if 95% of people are telling you that you’re fucking stupid and to stop doing something,  or dating someone, then maybe there’s some merit to it. If you think that everyone is perceiving you the wrong way, maybe stop for a second and think about how that could have happened on a medium that YOU have created. Have some self-respect. Because if your FACEBOOK life seems like a bad episode of Jerry Springer–and you have the ability to manipulate all of it–then your real life must be infinitely sadder.

Now, the irony of complaining (on a blog) about complaining has not escaped me. But I have red hair and I’m deaf in one ear so I’m just better than that irony. Not like anatomically better or some sort of perfect human because let’s be honest, if we had to create the perfect race, red hair and deafness will be two traits that are simply not an option. But in terms of sympathetic characters, I’m near the top. Recovering alcoholic/addict? Add 5 points. I’m like an 88 out of 100. I’d be in the 90s but I’m white and that’s minus 15 points.

All those credibility points and I’m still not posting death metal lyrics. Or, in my case in 1998–Goo Goo Dolls lyrics.