I’ve been accused of being cold and indifferent throughout my life. Maybe Gaga is right and I was just born this way but I’m not apologizing. Maybe 104 degree water offsets the coldness in my heart. These are deeper questions that I’m not ready to explore.
That being said, there are a few things that break through my Irish core and make me think that gingers do have souls. I do experience joy. Hot tubs are obviously one of these joys. Pimple pops are in the top 10. The ending to Iron Will is another. But let’s just skip the Buzz Feed list for today and skip to the top 2.
2.) Fat People Losing Weight
Sure, it’s annoying when the Planet Fitness crowds quadruple on January 1st but few things tickle me more than morbidly obese people losing a ton of weight. Love the before-and-after pictures of people dropping a million pounds. If I had my way, I’d combine Extreme Home Makeover and The Biggest Loser and make a super show. Fat people losing weight and then they get an awesome home. Are the two things related? Nope, but those interests are to me. An inspirational HGTV if you ask me and I think it’s a million-dollar idea and I’m an idea guy. But there’d be a twist. They need to keep the weight off.
For every 15 pounds they gain back, the crew returns to knock down a part of the renovation. Or maybe they start taking back the furniture. Or something real mean like replacing all the marble countertops with pieces of wood.
I don’t know, but there would be consequences.
1.) Unbelievable Voices on Singing Competitions
I’ll ALWAYS root for the heavy kid who got bullied in a singing competition. I’ve heard contestants with stories that are all over the map. Someone died. They’re gay. They’re poor and only own a guitar.
A few seasons ago, there was this girl who was deaf in one ear! The AGONY! That one made me laugh for three days. These stories mean little to me but show me a kid with a bad haircut sporting 52-inch jeans who sings like Michael Jackson? Yup, he’s my guy.
So the fat kid is in the top-tier for me but then you get some talent that comes straight from the heavens. Voices so good that the little ginger cynic in you says ‘can’t be real.’ Take this girl for example, who may be Whitney Houston incarnate. I’ve watched this more times than I care to admit.
Over 500 people gave this video a down-vote and I’m actively pursuing how to hunt them down on Elha’s behalf. And if you don’t think I can find these trolls, go ask Keath Otis about my hunting skills.
Just brings a tear to my eye and I hope I don’t find out this girl is selling her body 10 years from now. I’d be real sad about that and don’t even wanna think about it. But if I get sad, I just go back to more of these videos because the internet–for all the bad–is littered with easy-to-click tear-jerkers. I’ll leave you with my absolute favorite. Two Asian kids just singing the fuck out of Michael Buble. I like this video in ways I can’t even explain. The orange outfit, the judges, and the fact that they are killing a song in English. 3 minutes, 11 seconds, I start to cry a lot. I think I’ve posted this before and I’ll probably post it again. Sorry not sorry.