When I got to Float Harder in Portland, Maine there was an old lady and a younger girl in the waiting room. I had followed the directions the receptionist gave me on the phone on the pre-float prep and arrived with an open-mind. The old lady, pushing 70, was excited because she too was floating for the first time:

Have you done this before? Oh, my daughter did it and said it was magnificent! She had this neck pain and then she finished and said oh my god I feel great. But it’s all about the ear-plugs. You gotta wear the ear plugs. She got an ear infection, ya know. So use the clay ones, you can mold those to your ears. Darlene! Come over here. See? I molded them for her. Yup, just like that you make a seal.

What is Floating? 

If you don’t know what float therapy is, I’ll give you a quick synopsis but encourage you to check it out here. The float establishments resemble spas, but instead of hopping in a hot tub or a steam room, the room has a shower and a chamber of secrets. You get into the chamber tank and there’s about one foot of water in a tank that measured 4×8 feet with higher ceilings from my observations. It may sound small but it was not claustrophobic. The water is the same temperature as your skin, there’s an option to go completely dark (or you can have a light of your choosing which is cool), and 1,000 pounds of Epsom salt in the water that allows you to float effortlessly. You can connect your phone for a playlist outside the tank, or you can choose a meditative playlist that will play for the duration of your time. My float was to last 90 minutes, and I should add that you are completely naked which does make me wonder how these things are cleaned.

My Findings

The experience was a good one, but humbling.

I lost my left ear plug within 30 seconds and considered whether or not I was spending $65 to go deaf in both ears. It was a rough way to start the meditative process so I battled with that for about 10 minutes. In some ways it was more than ten minutes because even when I got the ear plug thing situated, I didn’t completely “let go” because I had a little bit of tension in my neck as I tried to keep my ears slightly above water.

But the reason it was really humbling was because it reminded me of when I first started meditating for long periods of time. It’s a practice, and for a lot of people, not easy to do. Sitting with just your thoughts can be all sorts of things; crazy, boring, or just uncomfortable. I’ve always been fairly decent at the meditation thing but 90 minutes is a long time for most people. Ideally, the float would have been 50 minutes with an ear-plug specialist nearby. For the water-in-the-ear issue, the staff recommended I put a vinegar and water solution in my ear to flush it out at home. From the video, you’ll see that I definitely didn’t do it correctly.

But there were times during the 90 minutes that I was completely, completely somewhere else. It was a relaxing meditative trance but not quite the trippy experience I had subconsciously told myself was possible. The float made the distractions of basic meditating slip away. But just like with steroids in baseball, you still need to have the skills to go with it. The float session reminded me that my skills were way out of practice.

My September “30 day goal” was a bust. It wasn’t specific enough and if it’s not black-and-white, I’m not going to do it. In my mind, it was going to involve the float, yoga, and meditation. There was no yoga but I did do the float, which is something I would not have done had I not set this loose goal. I’ve decided to go off the deep end to make up for the lackluster September.

Starting tomorrow, Soakin’ Scott goes on the Keto Diet. Jets, you need to understand how ridiculous of a goal this is. For starters, the diet does not allow for sugar or bread. I drink about 9 red bulls a week and start every morning off with two Dunkin’ glazed donuts and hash browns. Body should go into shock by Tuesday.

I’d like to make it clear that this is not to lose weight and more to just see if I can do it. However, if I conclude that the diet produces better results and more energy than my glazed morning routine, I may continue.

More to follow!

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