When we saw the video of that man on United Airlines getting dragged through the aisle, my fiancé and I made a strict vow never to fly United again. But then a round-trip flight from Boston to LA popped up that was under $300, so that vow was immediately broken. Like I didn’t even consider not taking it. I wish that guy the speediest of recoveries.

I purchased on-flight wifi for a million dollars and decided to watch the Netflix original, Manhunter because I’ve heard good things. Half-way through episode 1 there’s a fairly intense sex scene and things got real awkward for me. There was groaning and such, and even though I had my headphones in, everybody knows when you’re involved in that type of activity, you assume everyone can hear your thoughts.

Now, part of me thinks when I bought that cheap flight, it came with an understanding that for the duration of the flight, I own the invisible bubble around my seat. Buttttt, there are others around, so what obligation do I have to the public? I mean I don’t think airplane pornography holds the same weight as the anti-vaxer dialogue, but can we all agree it’s a public issue that needs to be addressed!?

People need to know the expectations.

I did what any warm-blooded American would do in a public porn situation and immediately put the laptop  screen at a 45 degree angle so nobody could see a thing. The only problem with that move is that everybody knows that’s the universal signal for watching porn.

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So there I am: aisle seat on United Flight 338 with a laptop screen hiding the visuals and sounds associated with fornication.  I’m looking around the plane real shady-like and start to feel a sense of shame I haven’t felt since the Kabuki Spa incident of 2016. But then I got real indignant, thinking you’re a grown-ass man Scott who paid for this seat. You didn’t know there’d be a sex scene in episode 1! You thought it was a serial killer show with no sex noises at all. But so what if there is some adult content? You’re mature. But what if there are kids around? Oh no, that’s not good. Let me look to see if there are children around. Where are the kids? Everybody is probably wondering why I’m looking around.

I weathered the proverbial storm and the fucking subsided. I lifted up the screen and continued watching. Pretty good episode if you ask me! But I really don’t know what the protocol is for future reference. I handled it poorly and if you’ve ever been in the situation, I’m looking for advice. I watched an Edward Snowden documentary once and to protect himself while typing in a top-secret password, Snowden used a snuggie-type sheet to shield himself. I want the snuggie-shield.

I’ve looked for it on Amazon but no luck thus far.

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