The thing about pimple popping videos is I love them.

I have a half dozen people who could testify I was on the pimple popping bandwagon years and years before Dr. Pimple Popper made it to television. I came out–sort of speak–a long time ago and refuse to be shamed. That being said, it’s always a relief when Instagram sneaky tells you that vonzi84 also follows @drpimplepopper so you know you’re not the only freak in town.

But something occurred to me just now that really hasn’t crossed my mind believe it or not. It’s the fact that there’s hundreds–probably thousands–of people letting their faces/backs/eyebrows/ears develop an ENORMOUS growth, FOR YEARS, without seeking medical attention. HOW ARE YOU JUST NOW SEEING A DOCTOR? You have a bowling bowl on your neck, dude. One time I had a tiny, tiny herpe-looking thing around my lip and I didn’t go out for a month. Terrifying stuff.

Is it a lack of health insurance? Is this the big dick energy I’ve been hearing about?

Imagine being so confident that you don’t care that every single person you see wants to  jab a sharp spear into your forehead.


Dr. Pimple Popper is so nice. She’s either just desensitized about the whole thing or a top-notch actress:

Oh, wow. How long have you had this?

About 3 years.

You ever get it looked at?



Who are these confident mutants? I try to pop pimples that don’t even exist yet. It’s like I’m digging for gold and if that’s wrong I don’t want to be right. It’s pre-crime and it’s the best crime.


I’ve heard and read that you shouldn’t pop white heads because shut up to all you people. Are you kidding? The day I pass up a white-head opportunity is the day you know I’ve been replaced and we’re all living in Westworld. People who willfully go to work, knowing they have a white head on their noses, are animals. Disgusting animals.

Wouldn’t trust them as far as I could pop them.